It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
