I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
