Duck Duck Cougar?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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