what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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