Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
