You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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