she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
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I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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