I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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