quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
