I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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