can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
