she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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