i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
a search helicopter?!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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