i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Say something about gay babies.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
