fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
