Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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