We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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