I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
