The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize