How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
