This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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