I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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