White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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