Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
