What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
