I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
