idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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