Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
