i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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