jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
