i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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