Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
