i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
