I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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