What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My feet surprised me
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