I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
