i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Everything about him screamed your future.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
