My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
