He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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