how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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