Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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