The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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