Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
