His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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