you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
