you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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