Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
