I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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