pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
