a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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