He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
