Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
