dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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