Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
