Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
