Only a mothe r could love this liver
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
