Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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