i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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