I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Randomize
