There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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