I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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