btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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