I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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