I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
