Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He has the fingertips of a God
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