...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
