Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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